India was never really on my list of must-see-places this planet has to offer. Which, come to think about it, is strange because Hindu mythology, although second in line (for my interests to date at least) to Greek mythology, has interested me for some time. And yet as soon as I found out about Reunion’s India Retreat I just knew I had to go. It felt more like an imperative than a wish, I simply had to go, like a truth that had to be fulfilled. Therefore, once booked, the question; why go to India, didn’t really come up in my mind. Like so many previous decisions in my life I relied on intuition to guide the way forward, with “understanding” contently towing along.
Thank goodness we are not only what we know or understand, physically perceive or even what we think. We are so much more. Thus two weeks before the retreat the imaginal realm nudged my content go-with-the-flow knowing with a dream: A huge snake corners me in a dark room, it rears up less than 30cm in front of my face and I have no where to go and no escape is possible. I realize that all I can do is surrender and prepare to face whatever may come. Knowing that if he strikes I will die and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Calm yet perfectly upright and still I wait for the final moment. Then instead of striking, this king of serpents gently places the tip of his mouth on my forehead just between my eyes. As I feel the slight pressure he applies I remain totally still, totally at his mercy. End of dream. The dream felt like a message from the gods, one that required stillness and surrender in the face of true fear.
One week before the retreat, another ‘strange’ dream came to me. Again I felt that it related to my upcoming trip, I just wasn’t sure how? Subsequently on the first day of the retreat when Jim asked the group why they came on the retreat to India, I didn't have a clear question formed in my mind. Yet I knew my question related to these two dreams. But besides a feeling the cognitive reason why I travelled to India, to the land of the mighty Hanuman, of Shiva, Krishna, Ram the beautiful Sita, alluded me.
Looking and listening with intention (as one tends to do in a new and foreign country), a focused yoga practice and truly trying to be present in the moment, especially in the ritual act of quietly (most of the time) walking in nature, slowly allowed my question to emerge from the chaotic obscurity of thoughts, feelings and emotions. It began to take shape, not as a hugely impressive life changing question, but as a gentle soft inquiry. Forming as a petition to the gods to refine my story and show me what I am supposed to etch onto the great stone of the story of life, perhaps even to show me my own personal mantra?
The dream from a week before India: I stand on a high mountain plateau with my brother (not my actual brother, more a brother figure or even a twin I would say) and it is my task to teach him how to save me. Very eagerly I show him how to do it. “Jump” I tell him, “I’ll save you”. Trusting me completely he jumps off the edge into the blue void. Then I, like a powerful Griffin vulture, fly up into the sky, dive down and swoop in under him, scooping up his body on top of mine to delicately deliver him back on our ridge in the Himalayas. “Now it’s my turn”, I tell him, “you must save me”. I must trust that he will have the courage to dive down and save me, as I did him, but I can’t be sure. Risking it all I launch myself into the cool blue air and instead of flying I plummet towards the ground a few thousand feet below. As I fall I realize that if he doesn’t take the leap my life will end this day. All I can do is trust, and surrender to this terrifying experience. Then a peaceful calm comes over me, even a sense of enjoyment. With only a few meters before impact, he takes the step, trusting his ability to fly and dives down to save me. Quick as lightning and yet as soft as a feather he scoops in under me and gathers my body on top of his, flying us back up to safety on our ridge high in the Himalayas.
Reflecting back after the retreat I wonder if the gods heard my question? Well they helped me form it and it is my experience that its often better to stay with a question than to accept an answer to soon. Therefore looking back as I was standing on that beautiful mountain it all very quietly and very gently just made sense. Keep asking the question, keep exploring, after all, all one can do is trust - face the snake, take the plunge and trust that your brother (read soul) will be there to save you.
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